danceonamirror

Well... I couldn't motivate myself to write anything until today. School continued to rape me for the final three weeks of the summer session, and I came out of it with a B+ and a B+. I'm rather proud of myself.

My internship? Awesome. So much to learn, so much to do. I love the world of Social Work. That's all I really have to say about that.

I traveled to NY last week with Gail. We went to help Hien settle in - the weather was less than kind to me, but I managed to have a blast with my girls. I'm thankful for the experience, and I hope our Hien has a wonderful time in pharm school [she has four years to learn to like it, hah!]. Something tells me that very little time will pass before I have to return to NY for whatever reason. Crazy!

It's now the second week of crazy, and I'm in the Bay Area [still with Gail]. We came to see Rey for his birthday - and it's been fun. I went wine tasting in Napa the day before yesterday - and I will never do so again. Money GONE FOREVER... that's how I feel about it - but I hope that Renaldo had the experience of a lifetime. I'm broke again [I'm always broke], but at least this was all worthwhile.

I want to be home in LA already. Last night here. I was going to go to sushi and karaoke with Gail and Chris Tang... but now I'm going to pass. Money, my friends, money.

Week 3: The halfway point has been reached, and I am tired.

In linguistics, we were to turn in our third homework assignment - this left most of the class flabbergasted with shock because of the difficulty of the said assignment. I spent an entire Monday trying to complete it, and barely got halfway through. Needless to say, I am turning it in late for a 10% deduction. We had our second quiz, and it was ROUGH. This quiz covered phonology, and it raped more than half the class - so badly, in fact, that the professor emailed us late yesterday afternoon that we would be given the option of a make-up exam this Thursday. Needless to say, I am studying this evening until I lose consciousness.

In Korean history, my inability to compel myself to read the incessant slew of material has left me with a less than shiny grade - but I'm picking myself up and am somehow going to survive this hellish other half of my six-week trek through purgatory. Thank heavens for extra credit.

I officially began my internship, and I am enjoying myself - mind you, my boss tells me she's aiming to make this a light week for me - but I am looking forward to any challenges they can throw at me. I know that I stand to experience a great deal of growth from my time there.

After this, I have three more weeks - three more weeks in which I can redeem myself. I hope I survive.

Week One of Summer Session A has officially kicked off at UCLA, and I was excited to begin...

...well, it's the end of my first four-day week of six, and I am already utterly exhausted. I can't seem to force myself to read any further today, and I have come to the conclusion that my weekends are entirely going to be dedicated to studying. My boyfriend will most likely be sad about it, and the worst part is that I don't entirely care - - I am rabid about grades, and will do almost anything to graduate from UCLA with latin honors come June 2012. I'm thankful that he understands.

My classes are not difficult at all [so I say for now], but the reading is intense, and I am already behind. There is so much reading, in fact, that I am ready to forego leaving the house for anything other than class and groceries.

With that being said, in order to avoid burnout, I have decided to treat myself to a semi-weekend of relaxation [until Sunday, that is]. Grey's Anatomy marathons are just what the doctor ordered [no pun intended].

Watching Meredith die and come back to life is a highly emotional scene... The relationship between Meredith and Cristina is a powerful one, and under the tears, it really forces you to think about your own relationships.

Cristina is a rabid [check], obsessive [check], controlling [check], initially cold [check], and calculating [check] character that is rabid about her performance and her career. One of my closest friends had a run in with Sandra Oh at LAX whilst working - and she was, as to be expected, bitchy to him. He absolutely loathes her since that experience... I, on the other hand, love the character she has brought to life on Grey's

Cristina seldom opens up to anyone, and while this is hardly me, she has her "person" - and that person is Meredith. Their crazy reminds me of my crazy. Meredith is dark and twisty. Meredith has hilarious freak-out moments. Meredith knows


Gail is the Meredith to my Cristina... and while Meredith was blue on the table, it made me think about how much I miss her, and how incomplete my life is without her in it. I'm having trouble functioning with her having been in Japan since February. I broke down in tears because I miss my best friend so much that it hurts.

Fifteen years is a very long time for someone that moved constantly as a child, and when you live a nomadic lifestyle because of your con artist of a father, you hold on to whatever relationships that you might be able to. Gail has been with me through every possible emotional state that I could ever think of. She has stuck by my side, and even when we have doubted each other in our infancy, God kept us together.

When you spend the first 13-14 years of your life without solid relationships in any department - you learn to treasure the moments NOW. You learn to latch on and never let go. Gail, Rey, and Hien are stuck with me for life.

This Summer is going to be a Summer of huge changes in all of our lives. I am sad that Hien is leaving for New York, and that Gail is trying to leave before she has even returned from Japan - but what is one to do aside from crying?

It's easy. He blogs about his feelings and avoids opening up his "size-of-a-newborn-child" linguistics textbook - which is overdue for another breast feeding.

SO, the crazy has finally started to simmer down.

I'm currently sitting in my livingroom. It's time for a lovely update from your favorite bitch.

* After three long weeks of jumping through hoops, I was able to register at Compton College in my Statistics class. Actually, I have to do it on Monday, as the petition was approved on Friday and the admissions office was already closed. Splendid, really.

* Chinese class has been as dull as one might expect. The shit I do to raise my GPA sometimes astounds me. What's worse? I have a seemingly nice, but ignorant mainland Chinese teacher. Why do I say ignorant? He believes that Taiwan is still a part of China. He was all "China is a big rooster, and see, Taiwan is the foot... so that's why we can't let go of Taiwan."

...and people wonder why I'd rather speak Korean. Taiwan is Taiwan, you prideful refugee-convention ignoring fucktards.

* I suppose I should at some point write about the reality that I'm finally in a relationship... this time, my entire heart is in it. I'm deeply in love, and I'm finally wise enough to appreciate everything that he is. I'm thankful that I am finally at this point in my life. I'm blessed to have him.

My boyfriend and my roommate, Dave, went out to get water and something to eat for all of us.

Last night, I pulled something... and I had a spasm in my upper back [between the shoulder blades]. Yifan was massaging my leg on the couch, while I lied on the floor... and I lifted my neck and just felt everything go... rather painful. I had to take a vicodin to sleep. In addition, I've been coming down with a full-blown cold. The stress of the past three weeks has caught up with me. Needless to say, I'm not a happy camper.

The bf took care of me all night. While I medicated, slept on the floor... when I woke up. There's nothing that makes you more appreciative of the people you love, than to watch them fuss over you when you're at your worst. I always iterate on the fact that I am grateful and blessed to have such amazing friends and family in my life... but it always brings me close to tears when I realize just how lucky I really am. I am constantly thankful beyond words.

...and GOD, do I love Yifan.


March has arrived, and there have been so many changes. My very best friend is in Japan. The other one just received a full acceptance to Touro University's Pharm D program. The other one is working on contract for Sony Entertainment.

I miss Renaldo like crazy. It's like since he moved to the Bay, we've learned to cope with the reality that he's not a stone's throw away. I moved to LA and we all developed our own feel for things. We own California. <3

The thing is, I only see him once or twice a year - and call me clingy and greedy, but it's just not enough. In an ideal world, I'd have a job that allows me to travel up and down Cali on a normal basis so that I can spend time with all of my loved ones.

If Hien moves to NY, and it's starting to look like she is, I'm going to be flying out there often. ^_^

With Gail in Japan, I feel like a part of me is missing. The bitch drives me crazy when she's here, and when she's gone, I'm crazy because she's not here driving me crazy. There's no happy medium with best friends, there's only the empty hole they leave when they are gone. I know she's happy, but I can't wait until she's back. Crazy just isn't crazy without her.

Everyone is doing so well. This year started off crazy and rather shaky for all of us, but I am hoping that things will continue to improve.

...for the time being, I have Aleve Cold & Sinus, and vicodin. <3

On that note, Yifan is out like a light and I can't sleep because I managed to sleep until almost 2 p.m. today [back pain plus vicodin = 12 hours of sleep].

I know everyone hates being sick, but I REALLY hate being sick. When I can't sing, it's quite possibly the worst feeling. A lot of people express themselves in different ways, but without my voice, I feel like I'm trapped.

I can't do things like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZm0CSCsQY8
or this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u0mF0TvX2Q

My goal by June is to finally get something in at the NRB that I can be really proud of... and then at some point in the summer, I'd like to try my hand at actually recording something in a studio. Then, it's off to the last two years of my undergraduate career. I'll find out where that actually is in the middle of April.

I guess I'll leave it at that for now... due to the mixture of medicine that I am on tonight, my stream of consciousness has just gone all over the place. I'm going to watch Yifan sleep a little longer, and play a video game until I can hopefully sleep on my own.

I am grateful to be living in the age of advancing technology, and, I'll say it: I love torrents.

...but I don't like torrents when people refer to the weather. I am not a fan of torrential rain pouring down on my head for multiple days of the week. I understand California has a drought problem [Hell, I remember driving through Central Cal during the summer and seeing those barren fields with the yellow signs], but perhaps we could space this shit out a bit so that I could actually dry off.

Gail loves the rain. In high school, she'd walk home during a rainy day and splash in puddles. Who needs an umbrella when you're Gail?

I, on the other hand, have always been prone to respiratory illness - and I was a rather malnourished and sickly child. Rain has never brought me anything nice and quite possibly never will. I'm not fond of rain... and it has literally rained all week. It clears up and becomes cold, and then rains again. The trees and grass are green, the air is clean, and I am entirely displeased. Cold weather and I have never been friends, and the rain and I are mortal enemies.

This past week it rained a lot. It rained at home, it rained at school, it rained on my head, it rained on the umbrella, and this weekend, it rained under the umbrella too.

I never wanted to be the kind of person that became drunk, emotional, and messy... but sober or intoxicated, the heart always has a way of showing through. Someone told me that I don't always have to be strong - but I don't know how to be anything else. I thought that it might be alright to just carry on and pretend that he and I never met - but I was fucking stupid.

I can't even be angry at him - because it's entirely my fault. I told myself that I didn't need anyone - and then I wanted him. When he didn't want me in return it destroyed me... then I went and destroyed myself.

He's a walking reminder of my life the way it is now. He's the one that I fell for that I shouldn't have. I'm the idiot that can't shake it.

The rain seems to have a therapeutic effect on everyone I know. Everyone says it calms them and takes away their stress...

So why won't the rain wash away my pain?

My best friend is applying to grad school... actually, two of them are. While I do not question Hien's process [as she always seems to get it together in spite of the slings and arrows directed towards her]... Gail, on the other hand:

(12:54:16 PM) Hien: btw
(12:54:18 PM) Hien: gail is amusing
(12:54:24 PM) Me: Oh, is she?
(12:54:24 PM) Hien: lol she's crashing a funeral today
(12:54:25 PM) Hien: =x
(12:54:29 PM) Me: xfvznxclvnzx,.vnlzkxvlk;zxjv;lkzxjvl;kzxdjg;lksjfl;kasjfl;kasjfl;kasdkf
(12:54:32 PM) Me: WTF!!?!?!?
(12:54:50 PM) Hien: that's right
(12:54:51 PM) Me: Who the fuck crashes a funeral!?
(12:54:52 PM) Hien: u heard me
(12:54:53 PM) Hien: lol
(12:55:00 PM) Hien: she crashed a viewing yesterday
(12:55:12 PM) Hien: to give her letter writer an evaluation form
(12:55:16 PM) Hien: and to sign her letter of rec
(12:55:19 PM) Me: You're fucking shitting me.
(12:55:24 PM) Hien: and today she has to crash a funeral
(12:55:27 PM) Hien: to get all of it
(12:55:30 PM) Me: That girl has gumption after all.
(12:55:30 PM) Hien: that's right
(12:55:36 PM) Hien: that bitch is bold
(12:55:37 PM) Hien: LOL

There's nothing quite like a bottle of melatonin. The bottle says "MAXIMUM STRENGTH"... containing 5mg tabs, I figure 10mg should be the perfect dosage to knock me the fuck out.

Lo and behold, it does. <3 Instead of being in bed by 4:30 a.m., I find myself asleep before 12:30 a.m. - the only thing is that I wasn't able to sleep all the way through 8:30-9:00 a.m.

Alas, I'm up. I had breakfast, and now it's time for me to get cute. Cute, so that I can spend a day studying, all whilst looking cute. Like totally gag me with a spoon.

(7:49:43 AM) Me: I should shave.
(7:49:45 AM) Me: Maybe not.
(7:49:50 AM) Me: The question is "how much do I care?"
(7:49:51 AM) Me: *_*;;
(7:49:59 AM) Gail: ._______.
(7:50:40 AM) Me: LOL
(7:50:56 AM) Me: oh fuck it
(7:51:06 AM) Me: I'll dress cute.
(7:51:08 AM) Me: I'll shave
(7:51:13 AM) Me: GOD, Gail, GOD~!
(7:51:13 AM) Me: ahahah
(7:51:25 AM) Gail: LOL

That ridiculousness aside, I'm looking forward to this week.

It's the first quarter of the year... that means people are usually scrambling to meet a fresh set of demands that life has laid upon them - most likely not in a gingerly fashion either.

Hien has survived apps, and is now simply busting her ass and praying she gets into pharm school.

I have survived apps as well, and am busting my ass between my current six-week Speech class [which is part of my contingency plan of going to CSULB if I don't get into a UC that I like], studying math [one point away from placing into stats - which I HAVE TO TAKE in Spring], studying my own pharm shit, applying for a multitude of scholarships, and finding a job.

Renaldo is busting his ass to find a job, and he's doing him as he always does. There's not much to say about that old man - he's kinda boring. <3

Gail has grad school apps, personal statements, and a three-month excursion to Japan to worry about. Hien and I are putting a fire under her ass because we love her like no other... The Singapore system is effective in times like this.

Hien: all in all she'll get her apps in by the 15th
Hien: so help me
Hien: >.<
Me: LOL
Me: *hands you a cane*
Me: believe in the rattan
Me: trust in the rattan
Me: I spank bitches, Hien.
Me: I spank em.
Hien Nguyen: LOL

Either way, January 2010: Handle your shit.

Facebook has become my new diary, as there is nothing quite like instant gratification in the form of status updates. Alas, when I decide to go on tirades, I turn to LJ.

It's 2010, and that means I've passed the crazy baton onto Renaldo. That's right, bitches, that's right. 2009 was more than I had ever bargained for, and I am thankful that it is over.

For those of you that are curious about where I left off, I'll summarize what I can:

Asshole showed up from Korea.
* Came to live with me for almost two months
* Turned out to be self-serving, thieving, selfish, conceited, anorexic, bulimic, and narcissistic
* I kicked him out
* Friends said "I told you so!"
* I had a heaping slice of humble pie
* I'm now back to being just single me without any other issue

School started. The semester went by without much of a struggle. I'm now in my winter quarter, and I'm looking forward to finishing it. One last class in Spring, and I'll be done with Santa Monica College with a shining GPA. I just hope that in this economy, with schools making cuts left and right, that I will still be able to transfer to a great university. Come on, UCLA.

Life is interesting.

One of my resolutions this year is to write more. I used to do it often until the advent of Facebook, but that's ... well, it is a viable excuse, but I need to write.

In any case, it's going to be a fabulous 2010. I KNOW THIS! <3